he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
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