either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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