I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
