my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
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my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
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Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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