i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
