just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
