A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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