I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
