Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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