I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
