4 words: hood of his car
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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