I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize