i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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