I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
