Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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