it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
