feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
