You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
