i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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