So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
