i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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