Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
