I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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