I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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