I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize