I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
