i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
