i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
