we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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