he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
