While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
