you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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