great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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