I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I will be naked everywhere
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
