i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
