I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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