I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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