he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
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Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
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You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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