white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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