Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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