omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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