3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
