Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i will never coherently bang her
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I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
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Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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