whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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