some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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