sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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