Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
