Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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