I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can I color on your dick again?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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