Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
