why didn't you poke me back
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
