I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
