I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
