if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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