Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
