i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When did angry sex become our thing?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
