I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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